Celebrity endorsements don’t come cheap, but it appears that Santa has been in high demand with every brand who has approached him over the years.
In 1904 he says Waterman is the best. In 1939 he was hooked on the Parker Vacumatic. In between those years, and well after, old St. Nick has been quick to shill for just about every major and minor pen maker in the world.
At first I thought I should chastise Father Christmas for his inability to pick a favorite vintage pen.
Then I got to thinking about the bigger picture. That’s when I realized what a bloody genius Santa truely is.
Santa has to deliver presents to all of the good boys and girls around the entire planet in just 24 hours. This year alone we’re looking at approximately 3 billion children. True, not all of them are good, but for now we’ll give most of them the benefit of any doubt.
In many cases, Santa delivers more than one toy per child. Even if we average it out to just 3 toys per child, that’s 9 billion toys.
That is more than a boatload of toys. Perhaps in a bygone era Santa could get away with 9 magic reindeer, but the jolly old elf will need rockets and more on his sleigh to cart that type of tonnage around the world. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to imagine such a modern sled as that runs up to $500 million or even $1B.
Even a living saint can’t magically generate enough cash for a rocket sled and 9 billion toys in one year…unless…
Unless he cashes in on his celebrity endorsements! By advertising every brand of every product imaginable, St. Nick could easily gin up trillions every year! Coca Cola alone has likely paid him hundreds of billions. Why else would a single bottle of Christmas Coke cost nearly $2?! A dollar of that must go to pay for Santa’s likeness on the bottle and packaging.
As inspired as Santa’s marketing and fundraising is, he can always use a little extra help from the rest of us.
Thank you, and have a Merry Christmas!